worst night to have a conscience
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
