I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
