so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
