he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
