Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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