omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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