Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Randomize
