the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
