look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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