cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
