Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
