i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
