Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
