we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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