the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
