i wish starbucks made bloody marys
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
