He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
