K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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