so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
