drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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