she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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