Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
