so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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