Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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