This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
