OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
