I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
