i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Your penis caused this!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
