Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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