i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
