I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
