Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
