Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
MIDGETS
????
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
