between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
