So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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