I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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