I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
