Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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