Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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