Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
