i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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