umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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