Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
