why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
