we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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