you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
