the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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