We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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