I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
