So drunk its hurt
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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