Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
