How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
