SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
