nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
