Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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