Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
me + whiskey = a bad person
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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