I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
