I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
