I understand Curling. That high.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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