your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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