His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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