so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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