I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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