I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
