when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
